It's Valentine's day and Alan is impressing the ladies by giving them all chocolate oranges, one thing, they are all damaged goods. He got them for plugging a shop on his radio show. It is also the day that Alan has to downgrade his Rover 800 for a smaller car, because of not having a second series. Given the choice of keeping the company going and driving a Mini Metro or sacking all the employees and only having to drop to a Rover 200, Alan shows his truly selfish side, saying "I'm not driving a mini-metro."

Alan eventually manages to tell the truth and successfully sacks all his employees at Pear Tree Productions. He doesnt tell Jill and takes her out to an owl sanctuary. Later he ask's her to the Valentine's dinner at the Travel Tavern. He get up to sing for her but gives up after a few lines, blaming the band for playing out of key.

After the dinner Alan and Jill engage in one of the most memorable sex scenes on television. It is pitch balck in Alan's room, but we hear a running commentary: "Let battle commence!" "Do you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or shall I maintain the same speed?. Do you mind if i talk?"

Right. Shall I move on to the other one? Oh, that’s lovely. That’s first class. That is superb. Ooh, there you go, it’s all happening! Jill I’m afraid I have no sheathes.'

Jill replies 'No what?'

Sheathes, er, prophylactics, you know, rubber johnnies. Actually, being your age and everything there’s probably no need for them. I’m talking about the menopau – whoooo! Jill you know your onions! Do you mind if I talk? It helps me keep the… wolf from the door, so to speak.

The lights come back on to reveal Alan standing by the bed. Chocolate mousse is smeared all over the front of his dressing gown and his face. Jill also has chocolate mousse on her face. Alan says "Oh, Jill. Mousse from a bowl is very nice, but to put it on a person is demented!"