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Ernest Moss, local handyman for the lovely Northern town of Ottle. He likes nothing better than fixing a engineering nightmare. His love of all things 'technical' exceeds the realms of a normal existance. Together with his son, Robin, he does his rounds fixing anything from clocks, church doors to the wiring system in the local pub. He is a jack of all trades, but indeed not a master of none. No job is too big for Ernest.

Handyman for all seasons - From the series Coogans Run The First Lap.

Written by Henry Normal and Steve Coogan Originally transmitted 1/12/95

The scene is set, its 1960 in the town of Ottle. The camera pans to Ernest and Robin outside the local post office. Ernest is up a ladder fixing the outside clock. The local policeman arrives to chat to Ernest and Robin. Robin shows off his new Brownie camera. Ernest continues to talk technical and bores the pants off the policeman.

The camera pans to a shot of Peter Calf, the local bin man, pushing a pram (also played by Steve Coogan). "Has he got a name yet" ask's the policeman. "Paul" is the reply. "I hope he doesn't grow up to be like his dad !" says the policeman.

We see the introduction of a posh southerner. Mr Francis Bergoin, owner of Streamline Structures Ltd. He is here to promote 'Ottle New Town' a brand new housing development, for the people of Ottle. Ernest isn't convinced and sets about to find whats really going on.

At the local meeting he stands up and ask's "Will the constructions be fitted with Stainless Steel Galvanized Anchor Pins???", Mr Bergoin categorically answer "Yes", Ernest smells a rat.

Ernest is joined in the local pub, where he is finishing the rewiring. He is joined by Mr Bergoin who offers him a job as 'Chief Technical Advisor' on the project.... a way of trying to buy him off. Ernest organises a meeting to 'SAY NO TO OTTLE NEW TOWN'. he holds it at the hall, where no body turns up. Tails between legs, he returns home to settle down with his latest book, 'THE HISTORY OF CONCRETE'.

The church door collapses and Ernest is blamed for not fixing a lintel. He is sure he did and feels someone is trying to frame him. Councillor Crab, who is pushing for the development receives a new car as a sweetener.

A series of Ernest's work goes horribly wrong, the brakes fail on the school bus, the clock stops working, the church door collasping and the electricity goes in the pub......

"Robin, something is rotten in the town of Ottle......"

The investors have a meeting at the town hall, to watch the real film of the development. Miss Mullenger, who works there, borrows a copy of the film for Ernest to see... All will be revealed..

He is ordered to leave the parish for his blunders by the policeman. He is not a happy man. At the meeting where the people of Ottle are to sign over their houses for the new development. Ernest stands and says "roll the film".

There are gasp's as the real plans are revealed. The town of Ottle is to be transformed into a theme park. Not a houses estate as originally described. The people of Ottle would be relocated to somewhere else. They are left stunned. Mr Bergoin tries to do a runner, as Ernest holds out his hand to display 4 spark plugs. "He wont get very far!!" says Ernest..... The policeman asks "what was all that talk of stainless steel galvanized anchor pins??" Ernest replies, "Nothing I made it up..."

The town is saved. Everything returns to normal with Ernest asking Miss Mullenger to go to the cinema with him. She agrees.

The scene returns to Ernest up the ladder, outside the post office. It is now present day. Miss Mullenger is outside asking what Ernest would like for tea.. The relationship obviously blossomed.

The show finishes with Robin only words of the show...... 'ECCLES CAKES !!!!!!'

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