PAUL CALF
1) "Tony won't mind, he's a good mate of mine."
2) "Does anybody want a shag?"
3) "Is your husband still on nights?"
4) "Can you settle an argument, you're not a man in drag, are you? ( Better to be safe than sorry.)"
5) "I'm not just wearing these baggy trousers because they're fashionable, you know."
6) "Have you ever made love in nylon sheets? It's electric."
7) "I'm going home now, who wants a lift? There are strings..."
8) " C'mon love, you're nowt special."
9) "Did you used to be a dinner lady at St Cuthbert's about twenty years ago?"
10) "We can sleep in the same bed but nothing will happen. Honest, I'll sort myself out."
11) "With your looks and my brains we'd make beautiful babies. If it's the other way round though, we'll be in trouble."
12) "If you haven't had sex on the back seat of a Ford Cortina, overlooking the quarry, on a moonlit night when the heater's working in the car, then you haven't lived. I've got a Chris De Burgh tape if that helps."
13) "Look, I want to shag you, you want to shag me ... I know I'm at least half right."
14) "Look I'm not messing about, if you want a shag I'll be in the cubicle. Leave it about twenty minutes, I'll be having a dump."
15) "I don't believe you work in Fine Fare. I thought you were a model."
16) "You're very grown up for sixteen."
17) "My mum's gone to Rhyl for the week."
18) "Didn't I see you down the clap clinic?"
19) "What the f*** are you looking at?"
20) "Is it you or your sister I've shagged?"
